Tuesday, March 8, 2011



Well, it only took two months, but I am finally in full training mode. In the week since my initial f*cking spin class, I have been at it three more times: once on my trainer, and two more spin classes, including a disgusting 6am class on Friday. Ugh.

I am happy to report that the weight loss program has been going really well. I am down just over 11 pounds since I started in mid-January. While I don’t think I really look any different, I have noticed one significant downside: DPS, also known as “droopy pant syndrome”.

I think I may have lost an inch or two around my waist, which is very satisfying. However, the consequence of this is that I constantly look like a slob. It is magnified by the fact that I have always also suffered from FAS, also known as “Fat Ass Syndrome”.

You see, I have always had a large ass, one that is larger than my waist. This means that buying pants has always been a colossal hassle. I always have to get pants that have a slightly larger waist in order to accommodate my rear. Dress pants are the worst. If they have pleats, they stretch wide open. If they are flat front pants, the side pockets pull way out, and I look as if I am walking around with pockets full of cheeseburgers and shortbread cookies.

When I get dressed in the morning in front of the mirror, they look normal. Once I have taken about four paces, they will have already drooped at least an inch. Doesn’t matter how much I tighten my belt. In fact that is worse, because then I have these big bunches that make it look like I am wearing track pants. Next thing I know, the cuffs of my pants are dragging under the heel of my shoe, and presto, I look like a hobo.

It could be an excuse to do a little shopping, or at least take get my pants taken in a bit, but my hope is that I haven’t finished trimming down, so I guess I need to be patient.

In other news, I am proud to announce my first official fundraising event for the ride to conquer cancer! As some of you may know, I LOVE to cook, and it has really become a favourite hobby of mine. And since I can’t really cook for myself while I am in rabbit food purgatory, I want to cook for you! Here is the plan: I am going to turn my house (er…rather my in-laws’ house) into a fine dining restaurant. I will prepare a five course menu for your enjoyment, in return for a generous donation to a great cause. The menu is as follows:

I. Tomato, Buffalo Mozzarella, Olive Oil, Basil, Sourdough Crostini
II. Sesame Crusted Yellow Fin Tuna, Wasabi Mayo, Arugula, Lemon, Honey
III. Spaghetti, Cremini, Shitake, King Oyster, Button, Portobello, Chili, Parmesan, Parsley, Butter
IV. Crusted Lamb Popsicles, Rosemary, Thyme, Parsley, Dijon, Mint Pesto, Potato Pancake, Asparagus
V. Chocolate Mousse, Almost Biscotti, Mixed Berries, Lime, Honey

How does that sound?

The suggested donation for attending is $100 per head, or $125 if you will be partaking in a few cocktails during the course of the evening. We are tentatively scheduled for March 26th, and I am still looking to fill a few seats. If there is overwhelming interest, I will add another date in April.

I am really excited about doing this, and if you are interested, I would love to have you. It will be an evening of great food (I hope), and great friends (guaranteed) all for a good cause. PLEASE let me know if you like to attend.

See you at dinner!

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